To Be Alone
by Arigatomina
Summary: Yaoi, Sano/Kenshin. After a single night of passion, the future is unclear. Kenshin longs for that comforting embrace, while Sano hesitates in the face of Kaoru's claim. Seq. to 'Till Morning.'
1. Default Chapter

**Author's Notes:** This fic takes place after the Kyoto saga, as if the Christian Saga never took place. It is also a sequel to 'Till Morning.'

_Category:_ Anime, Rurouni Kenshin, Yaoi, TWT  
_Warnings:_ vague limish content, minor angst, shonen ai, possible sap  
_Pairings:_ SanosukexKenshin, Kaoru-Kenshin  
_Author:_ Arigatomina  
_Email:_ arigatoumina (a) hotmail . com

**To Be Alone**

_Part 1_

Nervousness and foreboding kept Kenshin awake many nights, but this was different. This time he was surrounded by a peace so comfortable he willingly clutched awareness. He didn't want to miss any of it, not even a moment.

Strong arms curved over his back, weight pressing the silk of his hair against his skin, and the warmth beneath his cheek lulled him as nothing had in years. It had been so long since he'd felt the comfort of an embrace that he clung to it selfishly. No matter how much Kaoru cared for him, the girl didn't have the strength to hold him like this, to wipe away everything, if only for a little while. The vitality surrounding him was an emotional well and he drew from it, bathed in it as the darkness met its end.

Deep breaths lifted him in gently lapping waves that nearly melted his heart. The comfort and safety he'd known once before, ten years past in the arms of his wife, but the purity was like none other. Even in sleep, the iron strength was ever so careful not to harm him, the smooth neck vulnerable and bare to his resting head. There were no hidden motives here, no secret agenda beating in the heart beneath him.

If there were a way, he might have remained in those arms for eternity, just being held, sheltered, comforted. The past could disappear in those arms.

Hours passed before Kenshin pulled himself out of that pleasurable stasis, his violet eyes opening to the shadows. It would be daylight before too long, and now was the time to face reality.

What he'd done last night was something he had thought of numerous times, a variety of imaginings spawned by the youth's bright mahogany gaze, the warm smile that drew him in over and over again. He'd even been accused of having done so already, by a man who knew him better than any of them. But he felt no guilt at having accepted Sanosuke's adamant invitation.

Although young, the man had fought beside him too often to be treated as a child. Sano had come to him, and he felt no remorse. All that remained was the path this night could lead them on.

Kenshin had no intention of pushing his needs onto his friend. He was accustomed to being turned and swayed by the others, and this would be no different. If last night was a single occurrence, then that was simply the way it was. It depended not on him, but on the strong soul sleeping so peacefully beneath him.

Stealth was one of Kenshin's attributes, but it seemed even asleep, Sanosuke noticed small details. He'd no more than lifted his head before those arms tightened around him, pressing his body close.

Kenshin's breath caught in his throat, and he held it, ducking his face back into the curve of Sano's neck. The embrace was so tight he felt the beginnings of discomfort, but he welcomed that as well and relished in the strength.

The hold loosened after a moment, Sano letting out a mumbled sound, and Kenshin released his breath with a soft sigh. As much as he wanted to prolong the encounter, his sense of responsibility was too strong to ignore. Kaoru and Yahiko would worry if he weren't there when they woke.

A small smile curved Kenshin's lips, and he brushed his cheek over Sano's neck. Then he pushed himself up again. The two wouldn't just be worried, they'd be furious if they woke to find no breakfast waiting for them. He knew that without a doubt. And he didn't want the floating warmth he felt to be ruined by a rant, no matter how deserved it might be.

Pressing an arm across Sano's chest, Kenshin pushed himself up enough to look at the sleeping man. Heavy arms slid down from his shoulders to pool on the small of his back, and he winced a bit as the fingers previously entwined in his hair found their way free. Sano didn't seem to notice this movement the way he had the last one, his steady breaths so deep they caused vibrations to tingle Kenshin's palm.

Dark lashes stood out on his friend's cheeks, and Kenshin's gaze lifted to the man's thick, tousled hair. It was still constricted by Sano's signature headband, one piece of clothing Kenshin had failed to remove the night before. That brought a twinge of regret, just a hint of longing that made his free hand lift to brush the red cloth.

He could remove it still, but there really wasn't much point now. Instead, Kenshin did his best to slide off Sano without rousing him. His right leg was pressed between Sano's knees, and he winced when his friend let out a groan, one hand closing over his waist.

"Too early..." Sano mumbled, shifting the weight with little thought.

A soft laugh made Sano's brows draw tight, and he opened blurry eyes to scowl at the smiling redhead leaning over him. Dark hair framed Kenshin's elfin face, making his pale skin seem to glow in the dim light.

"It's not so early as that," Kenshin said softly, his eyes sparkling at Sano's sleepy expression.

Kenshin hadn't expected Sano to react so casually, but it was nice to know he hadn't forgotten during his slumber. Kenshin still wasn't sure exactly how much alcohol his friend had drank before seeking him out. It wasn't enough to cloud those vibrant brown eyes. They blinked at him, awareness clearing some of the weariness as Sano stared at him. And Kenshin's smile slowly widened, his fingers flicking the dark hair over Sano's forehead.

"I have to go now," said Kenshin, "or they'll worry. The sun will rise soon."

The reminder brought a slap of reality to Sano's mind, and he sniffed, his hand easing off Kenshin's waist.

"I forgot about that," Sano muttered. "Forgot all about that. Egh...what a mess..."

"A mess?" Kenshin asked, his tone light as he straightened and slid off the taller man to crouch beside him. "Do you regret what we did, Sano?"

It really was too early to be thinking about ramifications, but Sano sighed, rolling onto his side to stare up at his friend. "I don't regret anything. You're the one who's running off to get back before you're missed."

"I don't want anyone to worry," Kenshin explained, tilting his head as he ran fingers through his long hair. "And so long as you have no regrets, I will not consider this a mess."

His gaze fell to where Sano had discarded their clothes, and Kenshin smiled a bit, raising an eyebrow at the wrinkles in his magenta and white clothing.

"Although, I may have to explain to Kaoru-dono how I managed to get so rumpled overnight."

"No," Sano snorted, falling onto his back and folding his arms behind his head. "Just tell her you were wrestling around at my house."

"Which is the truth," Kenshin smirked, his gaze moving back to Sano.

The young man seemed completely unaware of how vulnerable a position he was in. It was either that, or Sano really wasn't the least bit embarrassed to be lying naked next to him. Kenshin didn't know which was the case, but his friend's ease was starting to affect him. His gaze shifted away from Sano's face for a moment before he shook his head and moved closer.

"Sano, where did you learn to do what you did?"

"Eh?"

Glittering violet eyes were hovering over him, and Sano blinked at them, a sudden warmth swamping his cheeks. That wasn't a question he'd expected Kenshin to ask him, not when the man was obviously getting ready to leave as if nothing had happened.

"What does it matter?" asked Sano.

"It doesn't."

Dark wary eyes looked up at him, and Kenshin reached out to tweak Sano's nose. Those eyes crossed in surprise, and an impish smile flashed over Kenshin's face.

"I have to go now, Sano. You'll come for breakfast at the dojo, neh?"

Sano's mouth fell open, but Kenshin didn't wait for him to get over his seeming paralysis. He frowned, running a hand over his hair as he watched the slender man dress.

Was that it? Sano didn't know what he'd really expected come morning, but Kenshin's behavior was so upbeat he had no idea how he was supposed to react.

No regrets. That was what Kenshin had said. If he had any regret it was that he felt completely out of sorts. He wasn't even in control enough to enjoy the view Kenshin's curved back was giving him.

Violet eyes glinted over a pale shoulder, flashing him a smile, and Sano amended that thought. He enjoyed the view plenty, he just didn't have the confidence to do anything about that. All the hesitation that had turned him away from the dojo the night before was curled in his gut now.

His friend's quick smile reminded him that he hadn't been the one to decide things last night. If Kenshin hadn't followed him home from that aborted mission, nothing would have happened. But something had definitely happened. So why was Kenshin going back to the dojo as if it hadn't?

"Kenshin..."

"Yes, Sano?"

The short redhead was tying his sash, the sword back in place at his side, and steady eyes moved over him. Sano couldn't seem to stop the nervous flush that heated his face. Kenshin's gaze was so direct, and there was no doubt the man didn't look at him as if nothing had happened. He would have noticed if those violet eyes had ever looked at him like that before.

Discomfort twisted him, and Sano sat up, bending a leg and making Kenshin smile at him.

"I thought you were shy," Sano muttered, frowning at his friend.

The sweet Rurouni smiled wider.

"Look, Kenshin, you're starting to worry me. Last night...I didn't think anything would happen. And when it did, well, I didn't think at all. But now I just..."

Kenshin's eyes narrowed at the torment scrawled on his friend's face, the curled fist near Sano's bent leg. He crossed the space between them silently and crouched, a light hand falling on Sano's shoulder.

A part of him wanted to say whatever it was that Sano needed to hear, but he didn't know what that was. Until his friend told him how he'd taken last night, Kenshin wouldn't say anything.

The look Kenshin gave was tender and thoughtful and sweetly concerned. Sano winced away from it.

"Kenshin, you're acting like nothing happened. What? Didn't it mean anything to you? You're just going to go back to Jo-chan and..."

Fingers pressed lightly over his lips, and Sano let out a sharp breath, his eyes dark.

"What did it mean to you?" Kenshin whispered, his gaze steady. "I have no regrets, as I told you. If you were to ask me, I'd do it again."

"Really."

Kenshin nodded solemnly, and Sano moved. Catching Kenshin's shoulders, he pulled him into a tight embrace, nearly smothering the redhead's surprised sound.

Hugging Kenshin was something he rarely did, but if the man was going to say things like that then he'd have to get used to being grabbed without warning. Just the thought of Kenshin accepting another invitation made him want to grin madly. Instead, he did his best not to squeeze the shorter man too hard.

"You can bet I'll ask again."

He eased his grip a bit and felt a wash of doubt when he saw Kenshin's face. The man's eyes were closed, those narrow brows drawn.

"Kenshin?"

How Sano had found his weakness, Kenshin didn't know, but he wanted to burrow against him. He needed to be going if he wanted to get back in time to start his chores. He knew there wasn't time to be sitting around. But those arms felt so good around him...

Kenshin sighed, tilting his face to brush his forehead against Sano's bare chest. "I really do have to go now, Sano. If you keep holding me I'll never get my work done in time..."

"Ah," Sano sighed, letting him go. "Can't have Jo-chan mad at you."

Kenshin blinked at him, and Sano frowned, folding his arms over his chest. "Don't you feel bad about messing around with me when she's waiting for you at the dojo? If she found out-"

"Kaoru-dono is too innocent to know what may happen between men," Kenshin said slowly, taking in Sano's uncertain expression. "She wouldn't understand."

Sano stared, taken back by Kenshin's calm tone. "You don't feel guilty?"

"Should I?" Kenshin returned, tilting his head. "I've made no promises to Kaoru-dono that I have not kept."

"Oh."

Kenshin stood slowly, brushing some of the wrinkles from his white pants and straightening the worn top. "You will come by the dojo, neh?"

Sano nodded, and Kenshin smiled as he ran one last hand over his long tail of hair. "Good."

.-.

The sun sparked golden highlights along Kenshin's dark red hair, seeming to set his head on fire. Kaoru might have smiled at the thought if the Rurouni hadn't been so quiet for the last few hours.

He'd done his chores with his usual spirited banter, accepting the girls' antics with a child-like enthusiasm. But the moment they left for the evening his expression had fallen considerably.

Yahiko had noticed as well, paying so little attention during their sparring that she'd hit him more times than even _he_ deserved. Now she leaned against the doorway, not sure what to make of Kenshin's dark eyes.

He was sitting with his feet on the grass, one hand resting lightly on the hilt of his sword, the other curling around a bit of his hair. She'd never seen him do that before, fidget in general, or touch his hair in particular. It almost frightened her. He looked...restless.

"Kenshin?"

"Ah, Kaoru-dono..." Turning, Kenshin smiled a bit, his gaze moving over the girl's hesitant expression. "Do you need something?"

"No," Kaoru said, shaking her head. She moved to him and sank to the wood beside him, her hands folding together in her lap. "Kenshin, is...is something wrong...?" Wide violet eyes blinked at her, but she could swear there was still a darkness hiding behind his quick smile.

"There is nothing for you to worry about." Kenshin looked away, his eyes glinting as he watched the sun sink behind the gate. The fingers of his left hand tightened reflexively on a few red strands of his hair, his shoulders flexing inward.

He didn't know what he was expected to do now. He'd planned to leave it all up to Sano, but Sano hadn't come as he'd said he would. Did that mean it really was an isolated incident?

If Sano had said so that morning, Kenshin would have accepted it. But their parting had promised so much more. Sano wasn't the sort to lie, not to him, and he couldn't suppress a growing sense of foreboding. His eyes narrowed as a twinge made his right hand curve around the hilt of his sword.

Had he changed his mind? That was certainly his right, his choice, but the least he could have done was tell him so.

A soft ruffle distracted him, and Kenshin closed his eyes, eliminating the scowl that threatened to take over his face. A tiny smile was the best he could manage to turn on the wide-eyed girl.

"I think I'll go for a walk," he said softly. "Don't wait up for me."

Kaoru jolted after him, her heart leaping into her throat. "Kenshin! Where are you going?" The red-haired man paused, one foot on the grass, and Kaoru made herself hold still. "Kenshin...?"

"It's all right," Kenshin smiled, the expression not touching his dark eyes. "I just need to think about something. I'll be back this evening, or perhaps in the morning. There's nothing to worry about."

"But..." Kaoru frowned, her eyes bright as she clenched her hands together. "Can I walk with you? I won't get in your way-"

"No."

Kenshin realized the rejection had come out far too sharp. Wide blue eyes shimmered at him, twisting that part of him that cringed at the idea of making Kaoru cry. But Kenshin shook his head firmly, his own eyes shining with fondness.

"Kaoru-dono," he said gently, but firmly. "I will come back. I promise. But now I need to do something that does not involve you."

Kaoru flinched, staring at the gentle man in hurt confusion. She couldn't remember his ever having said that to her. Her entire life revolved around Kenshin, his daily presence, his pain and happiness...his restlessness. But not his past, that one aspect he refused to share with her, the thing that had led him to walking out on her life so recently it was a fresh wound just waiting to reopen. Blinking rapidly, she dropped her eyes. "Kenshin..."

The hurt echoed in her soft voice, and Kenshin sighed, his gaze falling to the ground. "You don't want me to go."

"I just want to know where you're going," Kaoru said, sniffing a bit as her eyes burned. "I don't want you to go anywhere without me. Why can't you tell me where you're going?" Silence answered her, and she looked up suddenly, her head snapping back. Dull violet eyes met her, and she heaved a sigh of relief. For a second she'd been terrified that she would find him gone. "Kenshin."

"...Megumi-dono..." Kaoru gasped, quivering a bit as her eyes widened till they filled her face. Kenshin didn't react. "Megumi-dono has a collar you could use," he said softly, his solemn gaze boring into the girl. "If you want to tie me here. You can follow me, never allow me to leave the yard. You can treat me as a pet to be watched at all times. Or you can trust that I will keep my promise to you."

The girl stared at him, her bright eyes shimmering in the dying light and he turned away sharply. Her trust in him hadn't recovered since they'd returned from Kyoto. And as twisted as his thoughts currently were, he couldn't reassure her properly, couldn't focus on her abandonment fears without a smoldering resentment burning in his stomach. No one had asked how he'd felt when he'd left behind everyone he loved, but they'd all been quick to tell him how selfishly he'd behaved. Now was the worst possible moment to remind him of that.

His hands moved, wrapping around him as he sank where he'd stood, sitting with his head bowed. "I will not go if it will hurt you so much."

The man looked so small, his body curved over his folded legs, the open yard seeming wide and desolate around him. Kaoru ran to crouch beside him, tears burning her eyes. "Kenshin, Kenshin, please don't be upset with me. I'm sorry, please, I just don't want to lose you. I don't want you to ever leave again. I can't...I can't take that. But please, please don't be angry with me!"

Guilt struck him in a painful blow, and Kenshin moved sharply, his arms curling almost mechanically over the weeping girl's back.

"I'm not angry with you," he said softly, staring at the shadowy gate beyond her. "I won't leave you. There is no need to be afraid, Kaoru-dono. I just didn't know it would hurt so much. I...had no idea it could possibly hurt this much..." His hands were cold on her back as she sniffled against his chest.

"No," Kaoru mumbled, rubbing her eyes on his faded shirt. "I'm not hurt, I was just scared you were mad at me for being so worried."

"I'm not angry," Kenshin said again, his voice falling to a quiet whisper. "Are you all right now, Kaoru-dono?"

She nodded against him, and he removed his arms. He knew that if he did not she would willingly stay cuddled against him, and he felt far too cold to comfort her right now.

"It will get cool," he said, standing slowly and straightening his clothes. "You should go inside now."

"Are you going in?" Kaoru asked hopefully, her eyes flashing as her breath caught in her throat.

"I will be in my room."

He moved away from her, and she followed after, shadowing him into the dojo. "Do you want some tea, Kenshin? I'll make it."

"No, thank you," Kenshin said, not looking back. "Good night, Kaoru-dono."

Blinking in surprise, Kaoru paused as he continued toward the room she'd given him. "Kenshin...you're going to sleep this early?"

"I am very tired."

Kenshin moved quietly down the hall, nodding when he saw Yahiko sitting near the cleared dining spot. The boy blinked at him, and Kenshin sighed when he found himself with yet another shadow. At least this one he doubted would need so much attention. He didn't speak as the boy followed him into his room.

Kenshin slid the door shut behind them, and Yahiko jumped a little, suddenly wary to be closed in with the silent man. He'd tailed him only because of the odd scene he'd witnessed outside. Now he wondered if he shouldn't have kept his nose out of this one.

Kenshin didn't even acknowledge him, sitting with his back to one wall, knees drawn close to his chest. Taking a deep breath, Yahiko approached him.

"Um...Kenshin? You want to talk about it?"

The slender man had his elbows folded over his knees, chin resting on one wrist, and he flicked dark eyes to him before looking down again.

Yahiko had worry written all over his wide eyes and young face, worry for him. Kenshin ducked his head, sighing against his chest.

"I do not want to talk," he said quietly, closing his eyes. "Thank you for your concern, Yahiko, but I'd like to be alone."

"Here?" Yahiko shivered a bit, his eyes moving around the bare room as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Kenshin regularly left to be on his own, disappearing for a few hours, probably wanting some private time away from them. But he'd never heard of the man seeking solitude in this quiet little room. It was too strange.

"Why don't you take a walk or something?" Yahiko frowned.

A muffled laugh reached him, and he felt goosebumps break out over his arms. The sound was so weird, oddly unnerving, and while it remained quiet and muffled, it intensified until Kenshin's shoulders were shaking visibly, his face still hidden in his arms.

Yahiko stared for a second before turning sharply. He left the room as quickly as he could without running, that soft laughter echoing in his mind.

.-.

Yahiko was panting by the time he reached the right house.

He'd sprinted all the way to Sanosuke's home only to find the man missing. After that, he'd spent nearly an hour making rounds of all the men Sano was friends with, at least, all the ones Yahiko had met. He was about ready to give up when he remembered one person he hadn't checked with.

He'd been to the man's house only once, but he wasn't about to forget that instance. Saitoh had followed him there, the day after Kenshin had left for Kyoto.

Katsu's home was on the outskirts of town. By the time he reached it, Yahiko was ready to collapse in exhaustion. The moment the black-haired man opened the door, he did just that, falling into Katsu's startled arms.

The boy clutched his arms, gasping deep breaths, and Katsu stared down at him with a startled, dumbfounded look on his face. "Wha-what...?"

"Yahiko!" Sano shoved off the mat he'd been sitting on and moved to tower over the boy, his eyes sweeping Yahiko's length. He didn't seem to be hurt. "What happened?"

"Why do you have to be all the way out here?" Yahiko growled, still panting as he glared up at Sano. "The one time I need to find you and you're out here! You never come out here!"

Katsu snorted when the boy let go of his arm, and he turned droll eyes on Sanosuke. "Well, he's right about that."

Sano winced a bit and Katsu turned away, resuming his seat opposite the dice. Cup in hand once more, he waited to see the scene unfold.

Yahiko was glaring up at Sano with narrow eyes. Sano frowned back at the boy, folding his arms over his chest.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" asked Sano. "And why are you breathing like that? What did you do - run all the way here?"

"I've been all over the place," Yahiko exclaimed, his anger evaporating into exhaustion. "I checked everywhere looking for you."

"Why?" Sano's voice dropped, and he leaned down a bit, actually looking at Yahiko's troubled eyes. "What's happened?"

"I don't know," Yahiko blurted, "but I think Kenshin's lost it or something." Sano jerked back, and Yahiko let out a shaky breath, crushing a hand over his forehead. "I don't know what's wrong. He was weird all day, and then him and Kaoru got in an argument and she was crying. I think Kenshin fell down, and then they were hugging and I figured everything was fine, but when they came back in Kenshin was all weird again. I asked him if he wanted to talk about it but he didn't and then he went in his room and folded up against the wall and laughed - it was the creepiest thing I've ever heard! He didn't look at me, but he was laughing for no reason and I think he's lost it!"

The boy's eyes were very wide, his words coming in a heated rush. Sano let out a sharp breath, the tension draining out of him. Yahiko was prone to exaggeration. "Yahiko, calm down."

"But you didn't hear it," Yahiko cried, his hands curling into claws at his sides. "He was laughing like - like - it was just so-"

Katsu snorted, raising his cup at the boy. "Like he was crazy?" Yahiko looked at him and nodded adamantly. Katsu grinned in response, catching Sano's dark eyes. "Sounds like he finally got up the nerve to propose. That'd make any man a little crazy. The infamous Battousai's finally ready to settle down." Sano's cold brown gaze struck him, and Katsu drained his cup, refilling it without breaking eye contact. This was as close as he could get to an _'I told you so',_ and he hadn't even instigated it.

"At least you won't have to worry about things being strange now," Katsu murmured casually.

"Yeah," Sano said softly, his voice void and low. Yahiko turned confused eyes on him, and he brushed a hand over the boy's hair. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll get used to the changes eventually."

"What are you talking about?" Yahiko demanded, shaking his head at the tall man. "That wasn't happy laughter! It was almost like he was...like..."

Sanosuke moved across the room, catching his coat and slinging it on in a fluid motion. There wasn't the tiniest bit of worry in his eyes when he turned back to the doorway. Yahiko let out a frustrated cry, nearly stamping his foot on the floor.

"Aren't you worried at all?"

"Why would I be?" Sano shrugged. "Kenshin can take care of himself, he always does. Don't worry so much."

"You're not even listening," Yahiko said, his hands fisting close to his legs. His glared heatedly and clenched his teeth. "I thought you would help. I should have known better. Well, you may not believe me, but there's something really wrong with Kenshin and I'm not going back there!"

That managed to catch Sano's attention, bringing a spark of surprise to his eyes. Yahiko nodded sharply, glaring daggers up at him.

"I'm serious," said Yahiko. "I'm not just imagining things. If you don't believe me, just go see for yourself. I've never heard anyone laugh like that..."

The boy's wide eyes made something creep over the back of Sano's neck, fear, concern...and an edgy need to make tracks before he made things worse than they already were. He pointedly ignored that protective urge to rush over and make sure Kenshin was safe.

"Think who you're talking about," Sano said tiredly. "Even if Kenshin did...lose it, he wouldn't hurt anyone. Besides, do you really think Jo-chan would let him hide in his room if something were wrong?"

"No," Yahiko admitted, his face still drawn in a stubborn frown, "but she didn't hear him like I did. Will you just check on him? You're supposed to be friends, isn't that what friends do?"

His words obviously struck a nerve because Sano winced and dropped his eyes. But they didn't strike hard enough. Sano sighed and stepped past him to open the door.

"Just go home," Sano said, glancing over his shoulder at the boy. "I'll try to stop by tomorrow. It's too late to go bothering them now."

Yahiko shifted in the doorway, that cold chill creeping over him again. "But-"

Interrupting the boy, Katsu called out from his place on the floor. His voice was carefully filtered to sound merely curious. "Are you leaving?" Sanosuke didn't look back, but he saw him nod. Katsu stood and joined Yahiko in the doorway, something about the scene making him want to look around for an enemy who might have tailed the boy. It was far too familiar. And he knew the chances of Sano leaving on another journey weren't too slim at the moment, especially if he were right about Kenshin and that girl of his.

Sano's friend sighed near him, and Yahiko shivered at Katsu's dark expression, his own worry doubling. "Sano, are you going back to your place?"

"Later," Sano said, waving a hand without looking back. "I think I'll take a walk. I want to be alone."

Katsu sighed again, running a hand through his straight dark hair as he looked down at the boy still standing near his door. "Want me to walk you home, kid? I don't have anything else to do."

Yahiko didn't answer, and Katsu blinked at the boy's wide eyes, his brows drawing in a frown.

"Oi," said Katsu, "you okay?"

"That's what Kenshin said," Yahiko whispered, staring into the darkness beyond the lit house. "That's just what he said, only Kenshin didn't want a walk. I'm...I'm so glad Sanosuke didn't laugh..."

"You're creeped out all right," Katsu sniffed, laying a light hand on the boy's shoulder. "Come on in and I'll keep you company. You don't look like you'd get much sleep tonight, anyway."

Yahiko turned to look up at him in evident surprise. Katsu smirked, flicking his thumb in the direction Sano had taken. "If I'm bored enough to listen to that idiot's problems, I'm not above hanging out with a kid. Besides, I was your age once. Adults are really messed up in the head."

The boy blinked, a hesitant smile breaking over his face, and Katsu drew him back into the lit house, closing the door behind them.

.-.  
TBC


	2. Part 2

**Author's Note:** Be prepared for twists and strange characterizations.

_Category:_ Anime, Rurouni Kenshin, Yaoi, TWT  
_Warnings:_ shonen ai, minor angst, cursing  
_Pairings:_ SanoxKenshin, Kaoru-Kenshin, Katsu-Sano  
_Author:_ Arigatomina  
_Email:_ arigatoumina (a) hotmail . com  
_Website:_ www .arigatomina . com  
**  
To Be Alone**

_Part 2_

Kenshin had been right when he warned that it would get cool. A chill breeze swept across the yard, lifting Kaoru's hair until she tightened the cloth wrapped about her shoulders. She was seated on the porch where she'd have a good view of the gate across the yard from her. She wasn't going to bother Kenshin, but hours had passed and she was starting to worry. Yahiko had bolted from the dojo so quickly she'd barely reached the door in time to see him disappear through the gate.

It wasn't like Yahiko to just take off like that. And it wasn't like Kenshin to be so strangely quiet, or the odd look he'd turned on her. Something was wrong, and Kaoru had a horrible suspicion she'd only made it worse.

It wasn't that she wanted to control Kenshin. The last thing she'd wanted to do was to smother him.

But his eyes...she'd seen that look before. That was the same cold hopeless expression he'd worn before he left for Kyoto, the same distant troubled gaze he held when he fell into his memories of the past.

She'd seen it too often to mistake it. But Kenshin always snapped out of that when she caught him, flashing a quick smile, thinking of something else. If there was one thing she was certain of, Kenshin didn't like to think of those things and he welcomed lighthearted distractions. So what was different this time?

At least with Kyoto, he'd been open about his plans, warned her of his departure. He'd never told her to mind her own business before, that his problems didn't concern her. And whatever it was that was bothering him, wherever he'd planned to go, he hadn't gone.

Somehow, the more she thought about that the more she wondered if it weren't worse that he'd stayed.

She should have been reassured, but if something were bad enough to bother him like that, he wouldn't let it go just to keep her from worrying. And the only time Kenshin refused to talk to her was when she asked about his past. Those were the only secrets he kept. So why couldn't he tell her what was bothering him?

Even if there were nothing she could to do to help, at least she'd be able to offer support for him. She didn't know what was worse, that he wouldn't talk to her, or that he didn't even want to be around her.

The last time Kenshin had closed himself in the dojo was after Saitoh had attacked, when he'd been busy thinking about the unknown enemy. If there were some danger that he was worried about, surely he would have just said so.

And Yahiko was going to get the lecture of his life for giving her yet another thing to worry about. Kaoru sent a sharp glare at the open gates and leaned harder on her bent legs, her tea cup held in her hands.

She was worried enough about Kenshin, and now Yahiko was missing. And worse still...she was afraid to ask Kenshin for help.

Oh, she didn't doubt he'd put aside whatever was bothering him if he thought Yahiko might be in danger, but to tell him...she'd have to go to his room. She'd already upset him once today. The last thing she wanted was to bother him when he was already staying just to reassure her.

But it was getting so late...

She could always go looking by herself, but she'd still have to tell Kenshin first so he wouldn't wonder where she'd gone. Assuming he even came out of his room long enough to realize he was alone in the dojo...

That breeze whipped by her again, and she shivered, setting her cold tea to the side so she could wrap the blanket closer around her shoulders.

Yahiko hadn't brought anything with him. He was probably freezing. And where could he have gone?

He didn't really have any friends in the town, and few people would be welcoming visitors this late in the evening. The only person she could think of was Sanosuke, and he'd have sent the boy home before it got so dark. He might have had more than his share of bad habits, but he cared about Yahiko as much as the rest of them, she was sure of it.

"Then where is he...?"

Impatience surged through her, accompanying a cold shiver. She'd give the boy a few more minutes, but she couldn't wait all night without doing something.

Her gaze was locked on the gate, and she gasped when a shadow fell through the open doors. "Yahiko!"

With a mixture of relief and awakening anger, Kaoru stood and took a few steps off onto the grass. It took her a moment before she realized the figure hadn't entered the gates. It took another moment to recognize the height was far taller than the one she was expecting.

Her step faltered, fear bolting through her as she suddenly thought back to Kenshin's distraction earlier.

Taking a sharp step back, Kaoru stared at the dark outline leaning in the doorway. There was only the slightest glint of light from the person's eyes, but the clothing was far too dark for it to be Sanosuke. No one else would have come here so late.

Her voice tried to hide in her throat and she glared, forcing her back straight. "Who are you? What do you want here?"

"Kamiya Kaoru, I take it?"

The voice didn't sound dangerous, but she still had trouble holding her position when the man finally straightened, stepping into the lit part of the yard. A familiar red band caught her eye and she gaped, recognition sparking quickly. She'd seen him before.

"You're-"

The door behind her was thrown back sharply, and she jumped in surprise, nearly falling over her own feet. "K-Kenshin!"

The redhaired man frowned at her, his eyes not quite as dim as they'd been earlier. He came out to stand beside her, and Kaoru heaved a sigh of relief.

"What is this?" Kenshin asked quietly, his gaze moving over the man standing a few feet from them.

"I don't know," Kaoru said quickly, shaking her head. "I was waiting for Yahiko to come home and he showed up." She turned to the man and managed a weak smile. "You're Sanosuke's friend, aren't you?"

Katsu gave a wry smile, tilting his head as he nodded at the girl. She was as pretty as Sano had told him, but she didn't look nearly old enough to be settling down with a murderer.

"Yes," said Katsu, "and don't worry about the kid. He's sleeping it off at my house. He was a little fired up, so I gave him some sake, that knocked him out for the night."

Remembering how weak Yahiko's tolerance for alcohol was, Kaoru could imagine that. "But why is he at your house?" she asked. Kenshin stepped past her and she frowned. "Kenshin?"

"It's all right," Kenshin said softly, flashing a light look back at her. "I'll bring him back. I should have noticed when he left earlier."

"You scared him off," Katsu commented, amusement sounding in his tone. Sharp eyes flicked to him, and he smiled, turning back to Kaoru. "He's fine. Sano wouldn't have left him with me if he didn't-" The short swordsman had halted at his words, and Katsu sent him a knowing look. "If he didn't trust me," he finished, not the least bit bothered by that dark gaze.

Kaoru was torn, her eyes moving between the two men. That sense of something being wrong was doubled suddenly, and she had the strongest urge to insist that she go with them. But Kenshin...she wasn't going to smother him...

"All right," she said, managing a weak smile. "I'll just...wait here, then."

Looking back, Kenshin nodded. "I'll bring him back soon. You should wait inside if you're going to stay up."

"Okay."

They walked in complete silence, the wind rifling their clothing and pulling at Katsu's band. A glance found Kenshin's steely violet eyes quite narrow, and focused straight ahead. Katsu glared down for a moment before sniffing.

"I hear you lost it earlier," he said. The redhead didn't speak, but he continued anyway. "The kid was really worried, you know. He said you'd gone insane. Of course, I doubted that. Looks to me like you have a few issues, though. She seems sweet."

The continued silence made him smirk, and he let it hold for a few seconds before pushing. "To hear Sano talk, you'd think she was a hellion."

Kenshin halted as suddenly as Katsu had expected him to, and he turned, smirking down at the man.

"Don't think he told me," Katsu said quietly, viciously. "He wouldn't do that. I knew it the moment I saw his face. Sano's never been very good at hiding things when he's upset. His eyes give him away."

Kenshin's gaze snapped up to him, and Katsu shrugged, moving forward again.

"But you'd know that if you spent any time with him," Katsu continued, his tone almost casual. "Which you have. I hadn't seen him since the two of you came back from Kyoto. You must have really done a number on him for Sano to come running to me. I was starting to think he'd never speak to me again."

He was baiting the man, but Kenshin remained silent. There was no point in this little trip if he didn't break through that barrier. Turning so he could see the man as he walked, he caught those eyes.

"So," said Katsu, "how did you do it? Get him drunk? He said he was swearing off alcohol after we were together, but he was drinking up a storm tonight."

That did it. Those shadowy violet eyes flashed at him, and Katsu held still, his glare falling to the hand wrapped tightly around the hilt of that sword.

"You didn't think you were his first, did you?" Katsu spat, his own eyes nearly as bright as the gold flecked ones blazing at him.

"Be silent." Kenshin's grip ached to pull the blade free, and his breath caught in his throat. "Don't say anything to me..."

"Fuck that," Katsu hissed, throwing his hands out at his sides. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to know your best friend prefers the enemy over you? That I had to sit there and try to comfort him after he chose you over me? And what did you do? You treated him worse than I did."

Kenshin's throat was too tight, his instincts ready to uncoil. He could barely hear his own sharp words. "I did nothing."

"Nothing?" Eyes wide, Katsu let out a bark of laughter. "Who are you kidding? What do you call that back there!"

He waved a hand in the direction they'd come from, noting how those sharp eyes flicked at the movement.

"You used him and ran back to your woman. What did you think would happen? That he'd hang around in case you got bored with the virgin and wanted more? Let me tell you something about Sagara Sanosuke, he doesn't fuck around. I learned that the hard way. He chose you because his damn heart told him to. And I warned him this would happen. As soon as you got what you wanted you threw him aside."

"I didn't."

"You didn't what?" Katsu prodded, his voice dropping to a whisper. "You didn't want him? Didn't use him and then run straight back to that girl? You know he cares too much about her to ever fight her claim on you. He's even tried to convince himself that you don't want her that way, but it doesn't matter. If it comes down to him or her, she wins. I can't blame him for running away from that. I blame you for making him leave."

For a long moment their eyes held, then Kenshin jerked back so suddenly Katsu recoiled, his arms moving to ward the expected attack. But that gold-flecked gaze had snapped to something else.

A dark shadow shifted a few yards down the road, eyes glinting from where he leaned against a building. "So you finally noticed me. You're getting lax, Himura."

Katsu gave a loud curse, and Saitoh smirked, shaking his head at the two men.

"You really shouldn't have such a private discussion out in the open like that," said Saitoh. "You never know who might overhear. It really is a shame the aho isn't here to see the two of you fighting over him. That just might be enough to wipe that pathetic look off his face."

Kenshin moved, reaching him in an instant. Katsu seemed more reluctant to come closer, but Saitoh wasn't paying him much attention anyway. He was more interested in the dangerous glint in the former battousai's gaze.

With a smirk, he lit a cigarette and looked away, seeming content to enjoy the night. He'd make Himura ask. And maybe, if he felt like it, he'd point him in the right direction.

Some of Kenshin's anger was falling into a cold calm. He stared up at Saitoh's profile for a full minute before releasing the hilt of his sword. "You've seen him, then."

"I see him often," Saitoh smirked, tilting his head back against the wall. "He does like to roam the alleys at night. One might think he was hoping for a fight. I've considered giving him one more than once."

Katsu stiffened at that, but Kenshin knew there was little danger in the threat. Saitoh took pleasure out of taunting him, but he wasn't the sort who would do that. He took his oath against evil seriously, though he stretched his own level at times. Kenshin waited another minute to let the comment pass. "You saw him tonight?"

"About an hour ago," Saitoh smiled, his eyes narrowing with mirth. "He still can't seem to sense me when I tail him. I could have killed him nine times over before he even knew I was there. Such a reckless boy."

Katsu bristled. "You-"

"Where did you see him," Kenshin interrupted, his voice smooth. A sharp glare hit him from the side, and he frowned when Katsu moved in front of him.

"Do you think you're going after him?" Kasu glared. "What's the point? You promised the girl you'd be back soon. There's nothing you can do in so little time. If he wants to go, let him. Dragging him back will only make things worse. You caused this. The least you can do is let him make a clean break. I won't let you hurt him again."

"This is so heartwarming," Saitoh drawled, blowing a trail of smoke at the black-haired man. "You took advantage of him and he avoided you. Now Himura takes his turn and he runs again. So the two of you fight about it when you both are guilty. In the meantime, I wonder who will be next?"

Two glares snapped to him, and he gave a dark smile. "Is there anyone else he trusts? I'm afraid we don't get along well enough for that, and it really should be someone he cares about so he can be broken afterward."

Katsu lurched forward, his glare locked on Saitoh. "This isn't a joke, and it's none of your business."

A dark hand shot out, and his mouth snapped shut as he was jerked forward, narrow eyes staring down at him.

"I'll decide what is and is not my business," Saitoh drawled, twisting his hand in the cloth until the young man was barely touching the ground. "And I find this absolutely hilarious. After what you did, Himura is a saint. And the aho is even more ignorant than I thought, to have gone back to you for help. He must really have no one without Himura to confide in."

Fighting Saitoh was the same as trying to take on the battousai, and Katsu had seen Sano fall to both within minutes. He held still, but his eyes blazed. "What do you know."

"Didn't I say I watch the streets at night?" Saitoh reminded him, his gaze flicking to the side to glint at Kenshin before returning to the angry youth. "It's a long walk from your house to his. I really doubted he'd make it. Did it really take that much alcohol to persuade him? And you still couldn't get him to stay afterward. You have no place telling anyone what to do."

That angry expression vanished from Katsu's face, and he sniffed, pushing him away again.

"Following that aho has provided a regular drama," Saitoh admitted. "It would be dull without him here. Although, as little attention as he was paying to his surroundings I wouldn't be surprised if he wandered off some cliff in the dark. He has no sense of direction."

Kenshin turned sharply, glancing to the right, and Saitoh smirked. "So what are you going to do?"

"I have to get Yahiko," Kenshin said, turning away from the two of them.

Katsu jolted after him, and Kenshin glared when the man stepped in front of him again. "Move."

"Are you going after him?" asked Katsu.

Saitoh's words had marked a sharp change in Katsu's expression, but they'd incited more anger toward the man than Kenshin had held before knowing the details. By all rights the glare he sent the man should have set him on fire.

"After I get Yahiko," said Kenshin. "Don't get in my way."

"He'll be long gone by that time. I'll take the kid home." Katsu clenched his teeth when Kenshin sidestepped him, and he didn't even notice Saitoh's movements behind them. "If you go back there, what are you going to tell that girl?"

"I promised her I would bring Yahiko home," Kenshin said, not looking back. "I keep my promises. What I do after that is not your concern."

"You won't catch up with him." A low chuckle sounded over Katsu's shoulder and he bristled, glaring to find Saitoh following them. "You."

"I thought you didn't want Himura to bring him back," Saitoh remarked. "It sounds like you're afraid they'll reconcile and leave you in the wake. Things would be easier for you if you and Himura were _both_ miserable, wouldn't they."

"Shut up," Katsu growled, stalking after Kenshin. "And stay away from me."

The redhead broke into a sudden run, and Katsu cursed, the speed leaving him far behind. He was about to follow when a hand caught in his hair, jerking him back. "Bastard!"

All hints of humor left Saitoh's face as he leaned close to the man, his voice a quiet whisper into Katsu's ear. "If you really cared about him, you never would have taken advantage of him. What you did is a betrayal to him, and to yourself. Himura is not like you. He would have held back forever rather than make a move. You won't get rid of your guilt by protecting Sagara from him. All you're doing is making things worse."

Katsu looked back at him from the corner of his eye and he shoved him away. The man turned to glare at him and he lit a cigarette, waiting a moment before returning the stare.

"Let it go," Saitoh drawled. "Once Himura catches him, things should be interesting. I look forward to it."

The tall man turned to walk away and Katsu managed a weak glare after him. "He won't catch up with him."

"Oh, I don't think the aho will get too far tonight," Saitoh called back, smirk firmly in place. "In fact, I'm sure of it."

.-.  
TBC


	3. Part 3

**Author's Notes:** I actually do like Kaoru. Oh, she annoys me at times, and I dislike that she makes people rule out the possibility of a Sano-Kenshin pairing, but she's a kind-hearted character. And I rather like her immature, but well-meaning nature. She _will_ play a big part in this story since she's acting as the main catalyst (the center of the triangle). It's still a Sano-Kenshin pairing, but this fic isn't meant to bash Kaoru. I rather like the clingy girl.

_Category:_ Anime, Rurouni Kenshin, Yaoi, TWT  
_Warnings:_ not much, bit of a 'language' warning  
_Pairings:_ SanoxKenshin, Kaoru-Kenshin, Katsu-Sano, may have some KenshinxSano  
_Author:_ Arigatomina  
_Email:_ arigatoumina (a) hotmail . com  
_Website:_ www . arigatomina . com

**To Be Alone**

_Part 3_

Yahiko's head was surely splitting apart, and he had no idea what he could have done to make it hurt so much. But the horrid, horrid, ugly girl was heartlessly shaking him. She was so mean and annoying in the mornings. Didn't she know better than to treat a guest that way?

With a dark scowl, Yahiko grumbled against the movements. "Stop it...stop shaking me..."

"I'm sorry, Yahiko. We'll be there shortly."

The words were muffled strangely, but very close. And they sparked a memory that lay in the back of his oddly fogged and pain-ridden mind. An echo of frightening laughter that hadn't sounded at all like laughter.

Yahiko's dazed eyes snapped open. "K-Kenshin...?"

"Ah."

His head was still pounding from the movement, but he managed to make out his surroundings. Kenshin was carrying him on his back. And around them...blurs to either side that made Yahiko's head spin so much he ducked it, hiding his eyes on Kenshin's back. He groaned at the pain in his temples and inadvertently got a mouth of hair.

It was the sake he'd drunk. Of course, he'd known better than to guzzle so much of the stuff. He had learned from that horrible headache he'd felt after Sano's party so long ago. But the first few sips had filled him with a pleasant calm warmth. He'd been relieved to let go of the dark worry and disturbed shivers.

Which, now that he recalled the cause of his headache, had sprung from none other than Kenshin himself. Kenshin, who was now carrying him home so quickly he couldn't see what they were passing.

He lifted his head with wary, if slightly blurred, eyes. "Kenshin...?"

"It's all right," said Kenshin, "I'm just taking you back to the dojo. Kaoru-dono was quite worried about you. You should not have run off without telling her."

"Yeah," Yahiko mumbled.

He was still wincing from the steady shaking of Kenshin's pace. It wasn't really that rough, considering the speed of it, but his head made it a thousand times worse. He was tempted to smack his face into Kenshin's shoulder in hopes of knocking himself out.

"She'll probably yell at me," Yahiko grumbled. "But if she hits me, she better do it hard or I'll just puke on her." There was no answer from the man carrying him, and he sighed. As much as he wanted to play like everything was normal, it wasn't. "Kenshin...earlier you..."

They weren't too far from the dojo now, so Kenshin slowed, choosing a quick but smooth walk. "Yahiko, I'm sorry for that. I did not mean to do that, and I didn't realize it would frighten you."

The softer walk let Yahiko's head settle a bit, much kinder on the pained throbbing. He sighed, letting his head fall onto the warm back he was leaning against.

"I wasn't scared," he denied, "it was just weird. I've never seen you like that - or heard, I mean. I didn't know what was wrong. What happened with you and Kaoru? Katsu said some dumb thing about you guys getting married!"

Kenshin stumbled, and Yahiko lifted his head so he could glare down at Kenshin's bangs, trying to see through them to the man's eyes. "You guys wouldn't plan something like that without telling me, would you!"

"No," Kenshin stated. His voice was soft but firm, and tinted with more than a little anger. "He should not have said that to you."

"Yeah, well, I don't care what he said, he doesn't even know Kaoru. Like anyone would marry her... But then Sanosuke agreed with him!"

"Did he..."

"Yeah," Yahiko scowled. "And he was being a real jerk. Just because I said you two had an argument and made up, that doesn't mean you're getting married, that's stupid. And he wouldn't listen to me at all. Katsu listened more than Sanosuke did. I don't know what's wrong with him. He acted like I was making it up when I said you were - were..."

The pace had slowed to a normal walk, and Yahiko trailed off. "Kenshin...earlier...were you...?"

The man didn't look up, and Yahiko shivered despite the warmth pressing his stomach. He didn't want to know if it were true, but the very thought made all of his walls crumble. Kenshin was the strongest person he knew, surely he wouldn't snap like that. But the way it had sounded...not laughter. He'd never heard laughter sound like that.

"Were you...crying...?"

Silence seemed to swamp over them, the dark street suddenly heavy and black, and Yahiko shivered again. When it came, the response was a whisper, the voice foreign somehow.

"Is that why you ran?" asked Kenshin.

It was true. Yahiko shifted back, his arms moving to clutch Kenshin's shoulders. His voice was a sharp desperate whisper. "Why! What happened? I never thought you would - you're so strong! Why would you be..."

Kenshin stopped moving and Yahiko had an urge to get free. He wanted to see his face, but then...a part of him didn't want to see Kenshin's face if he'd really broken down like that. He couldn't take it in.

Kenshin crying? That just didn't make sense. Kenshin didn't cry.

He'd seen Kenshin angry, infuriated, and torn by the carnage of battle to the point where he'd screamed from it all. But never once had he broken down and cried.

"You're too strong for that," Yahiko whispered, "Strong people don't cry..."

"I'm only human, Yahiko. Everyone falls apart eventually." Kenshin lifted his head, turning to look back at the wide-eyed boy he was holding on his back. "I am sorry you witnessed that, and for upsetting you to the point where you had to flee." A vague wince passed the boy's face at the word 'flee,' and Kenshin gave a faint smile at him. "I have ruined your image of me, haven't I. Strong men cry, Yahiko. Only the heartless are void of tears, others merely hold them inside until they overflow. Such is the price of pride; eventually even the most proud reach their limit."

"Kenshin..." Wincing again, Yahiko shook his head. Now he had a horrible urge to fall apart himself, his eyes burning. "Why now? Are you leaving us? Is that why Kaoru was crying earlier?"

"No," Kenshin said softly. His arms tightened around the boy's legs as he started to walk again. "No matter what happens, I am not going to abandon you or Kaoru-dono. You both mean too much to me. I would never do such a thing."

A warm but happy flush swamped Yahiko's cheeks and he was glad Kenshin hadn't seen it. "Then why were you upset? What were you guys arguing about?"

"It is nothing for you to worry about," said Kenshin.

Yahiko scowled suddenly, his left eyebrow twitching. "You aren't going to say that I'm too young to understand, are you?" A soft laugh and a nod were his answer and he growled, dropping his chin and glaring over Kenshin's shoulder. "Stupid adults."

"And curious boys," Kenshin teased lightly. "One of whom might want to feign sleep now so he can avoid being scolded."

They were in sight of the dojo, and Yahiko abruptly went limp. Kenshin smiled at the sudden soft snores that issued near his neck.

As expected, Kaoru's angry words died on her lips the moment she realized the boy was in no condition to hear them. With a reluctant sigh, she stepped aside so Kenshin could put the boy to bed. She'd have to wait till morning to yell at him. It only took a few minutes to get Yahiko settled, and she shared a soft smile with Kenshin before waving him into the dining area.

Sitting lightly, Kaoru smiled, her voice soft. "I made some tea. I didn't think you'd get back so soon, but I went ahead anyway."

"Ah, thank you." Kenshin sat slowly, his gaze moving over the girl's happy expression. He judged his words carefully, but he knew there was no way around it. "Kaoru-dono, I can't stay long."

Kaoru flinched, her face losing all color. She bit her lip to keep the flow of pleas and questions inside. But she couldn't help the reproachful sheen to her bright eyes.

Kenshin sighed. "Last night I had an encounter with Sano, and it is unresolved. I need to find him and talk to him about this...misunderstanding." He paused, watching as she took the words in.

"Last night?" asked Kaoru. She blinked in surprise and not a little confusion. "You went out last night? And that's why you were worried earlier?"

Kenshin gave a sharp nod and she set her cup down with a little more force than necessary.

Kaoru scowled. "You mean you were just worried about Sanosuke? And you let me think you were getting ready to go off and face some enemy! You should have just said so!"

Kenshin's eyes widened, a flitter of nervousness taking over his face until he looked like anything but a dangerous samurai. Kaoru stood to tower over him.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again! And making me feel guilty for nothing - if that was all it was, then you should have said so! I wouldn't have tried to stop you - of course you should go check on him. Making a mystery out of it like that, and here I was afraid to even ask you anything, and all the time it was so simple. Baka!"

Kenshin winced when the irate girl struck him over the head, not hard enough to really hurt, but enough to make him bite his tongue. "K-Kaoru-dono!"

"I can't believe you'd do that!" Kaoru glared. She swooped down to snatch away his cup and gave him a hard shove on the back. "And don't just sit there. You've been strange all day, over some problem with Sanosuke of all people, and you couldn't even tell me about it. I care about him, too, you know! Did you think I wouldn't care if you two fought over something? What, did you think a girl wouldn't understand? It's just Sanosuke - of course you have to go settle it. There's no reason to hide something like that. And stop staring at me. Go on! You should have gone earlier instead of making me feel like I was keeping you prisoner here!"

Wide blue-violet eyes stared up at her in blatant surprise and she sniffed at him. "What are you waiting for? You've known something was wrong with Sanosuke all day - now you're just sitting there? Go fix it!"

"H-hai!"

Kenshin stumbled a bit, Kaoru seeming to feel he needed prodding all the way out of the dojo. She didn't let go until he reached the grass, rubbing his abused head.

"I may not be back for a day or so..." said Kenshin.

"Well, knowing Sanosuke that's no surprise. Just drag him back here and I'll help knock some sense into him. Big stubborn freeloader..."

Kenshin winced a bit at Kaoru's mockingly angry fist, a faint smile flashing over his lips.

"I believe I can settle it myself," he said. "But thank you for the offer."

"Just get going," Kaoru sighed, waving a hand at him. "And I meant what I said, Kenshin." Her expression tightened into a disapproving frown. "Next time don't do that to me. I can't believe you'd keep some argument a secret like that. You don't have to worry about telling me, you know. I would have been happy to help."

"Ah," Kenshin said softly. His eyes dimmed a bit, but his gentle smile was genuine.

She wouldn't feel that way if she knew exactly what the nature of their misunderstanding was. But it was true that she did care about Sanosuke as well. It just wasn't the same nature of caring as what he had.

Still, he'd been wrong to keep the problem to himself like that. He could easily have given her just enough to ease her worries without telling her everything. And it seemed her need for his presence didn't extend to keeping him from helping a mutual friend. He should have known better.

"Thank you Kaoru-dono. I will return as soon as I can."

.-.

Had Kenshin used him, or had he used Kenshin? The question tore at him, the man's words replaying over and over in his mind.

He would do it again if asked. But did that really mean anything?

Katsu would have jumped at the chance to do 'it' again, and all they'd had was sex, at least as far as Sano was concerned. His friend had claimed it was more than that, but it certainly hadn't been mutual.

And what he'd done with Kenshin...had that been mutual? The physical part had been, of that he had no doubt. They'd both enjoyed it, and Kenshin had admitted he would do it again.

But it - was it just sex? Of course it was.

Sano had told himself all he wanted was one chance, just one chance to have Kenshin in his arms and try to gain the man. If he refused, that would be the end and he could live on knowing there was no point in his feelings for his friend. He'd never considered what he would do if Kenshin saw it as an offer for sex alone.

That was stupid of him, admittedly, but he hadn't. In his mind, there were two things that might have happened - either Kenshin would turn him down and he'd be left with the humiliation of having asked, or Kenshin would accept that he wanted to be with him. He still didn't know why he had assumed Kenshin would be so different from Katsu.

In his mind, Kenshin was everything he'd ever admired or desired. Kenshin held his loved ones close, never betraying them, never risking them. He wasn't the sort to do what Katsu had done, so Sano had never imagined he might view their encounter that way.

Not until the end. It wasn't until the act had finished that he realized what he'd done.

Ruined his friendship, changed things, taken advantage of Kenshin, a man who'd been without physical intimacy for ten long lonely years.

So what if Kenshin saw it as sex between friends? Sano hadn't seen it that way, yet he'd still allowed it to happen.

No, he'd done a lot more than allow it, he'd been the one to ask. He couldn't even blame Kenshin. There was no way Kenshin could have known it wasn't a casual thing for him.

The man had said it himself when talking about Kaoru - the girl was too innocent to know what might happen between men. He hadn't been talking about love, he'd been talking about sex, sex between friends. And the thought made Sano sick to his stomach. Kenshin thought he'd used him for simple physical gratification.

Was this how Katsu had felt when he left him months back? If his friend really had meant it when he'd proclaimed his love after the act, then maybe it was.

Horrible, torn apart, that was how it felt to think a loved one believed he'd been used for what his body could offer. But Kenshin hadn't been upset by it, he hadn't fought him, he'd even participated willingly. Sano had expected him to fight once they got inside his home. He'd expected the man to stop him, had known that Kenshin was capable of stopping him.

He certainly would have stopped Katsu if he'd been able to, and Kenshin hadn't been weakened by alcohol. But the man hadn't fought back, hadn't protested at all. It didn't make sense. So he'd done it.

Kenshin hadn't protested so he'd done it, thinking the man accepted his feelings whether he returned them or not. But the way he'd looked that morning, the calm easy and normal way he'd spoken...

Kenshin hadn't acted like anything special had happened. That meant Kenshin didn't know that to him it was a profession of love, and even worse...Kenshin had been casual about it all.

He'd never thought the man was the sort to take it as something so simple and inconsequential. It hadn't meant anything.

Was he too naive? He wasn't a virgin anymore, but was he no better than Kaoru - too innocent to understand what might happen between men? Was he too idealistic to think that sex might mean something more than just...sex? It certainly looked that way. And Kenshin's words about Kaoru had driven the realization home.

He'd been so confused that his friend wasn't the least bit worried about having done that with him, hadn't considered it a betrayal to the girl who'd given him her heart. Sano saw it as a betrayal on both of their parts. He'd known that to take Kenshin's love would leave her bereft, and he'd taken that risk anyway.

But it wasn't love, and Kenshin hadn't felt guilty because to him, it was something that happened, nothing that would hurt her. Kenshin hadn't broken any promises to her by having sex with him because she was a virgin, and he'd never promised her his body.

Sano knew it was true, the girl blushed if Kenshin so much as held her hand. And Kenshin would never dishonor her by doing that outside of marriage. He knew that.

So why, when he was convincing himself that Kenshin's acceptance stemmed from love, hadn't he wondered why the man would do with him what he wouldn't do with Kaoru? He had no answer for that.

And Kenshin's question...where he'd learned to do that...it didn't matter because he wasn't an innocent virgin. There was nothing to protect, nothing to shelter and hold like there was in Kaoru. Either that, or it was just because he was a man, and such things happened between men.

That comment had stunned him when Kenshin gave it, now it made him want to throw his head back in self degrading laughter. He really was an innocent, at least in his mind. To think, it was so casual and he hadn't even known. He'd certainly been horrified when Katsu took him, both by the act itself and his reactions to it.

So he wasn't just an idealist, he was a strange one who didn't even know what sometimes happened between men. He might as well be Kaoru.

His low laughter was taken by the wind, and he held his head with one hand, shoulders shaking lightly.

"Baka," he whispered.

He rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes, staring down into the darkness below him. His legs kicked gently, light rocks and bits of dirt coming free and falling away. "Such an idiot..."

"Hn. Aho fits you better."

The voice was right behind him. Sano wheeled around, wide eyes locking onto a dark, familiar figure who moved when he tilted back. A hand shot out, tight grip closing over his wrist.

Pulling the boy back into an upright position, Saitoh smirked. "And a clumsy one at that. If you want to die, try jumping. It's better to go face first than backward."

Sano gasped as he scrambled to the side, away from both the edge of the cliff he'd almost gone over, and the man he didn't like or trust.

"What do you want?" he asked. He scowled when it came out in a breathless whisper and cleared his throat for a more normal, if scathing, tone. "Why are you all the way out here? Don't you have some criminal to track down?"

"Funny you should mention that," Saitoh drawled. He didn't move from his spot a few feet from the edge, but he did turn to face Sanosuke. The boy was glaring at him, and his smirked widened.

"I'm not a criminal," Sano spat. Having someone tower over him was odd to begin with, having it be _him_ was unacceptable. Sano climbed to his feet and took up a ready pose. "What do you want?"

"From you?" Saitoh sniffed and turned his gaze to the valley below them. "Who said I wanted anything from you? I'm merely enjoying the night air."

Sano frowned at him, not buying it for a second. But the man wasn't carrying his usual cigarette, that did explain why he hadn't smelled him, even if he hadn't been listening. Those narrow, untrustworthy eyes flicked back to him, and Sano straightened.

"Do you know you have goosebumps all over you?" asked Saitoh. "Did I scare you, or are you too dumb to bring a warmer coat on a night like this?"

Sano bristled, fighting an urge to jerk his coat closed over his half covered chest. The bandages only went so high. "Shut up!"

"And talking to yourself as well. Interesting to hear you agree with what I've said all along, Aho." The boy shook in visible anger, and Saitoh raised an eyebrow, glancing down at those curled fists.

"What the hell do you want!" Sano growled.

He really didn't want to deal with him right now. And he sure as hell didn't want to try fighting him. As distracted as he was, this was the worst possible time to have a rematch.

And why the hell was he out here in the first place? Sano had walked for hours to get this far from town. There was no way Saitoh had just happened to pass by while 'enjoying the night air.' He'd believe that the same day he believed Kenshin's claim that some woman out there had been stupid enough to marry the guy.

"What I want is a nice cup of tea," Saitoh smirked. "Which I won't be finding out here." After a raking look over the high-strung youth, he turned away. A few steps later, he paused, not looking back. "Might want to watch sitting so close to the edge. The next person to sneak up on you might not catch you when you fall."

"I didn't fall!" Sano's face flamed at the bold lie but he couldn't help it. He wouldn't have lost his balance if the bastard hadn't crept up behind him like some sort of...creep. The dark clothed officer didn't speak, and he glared after him, watching the shadows swallow his outline.

Once he was out of sight, Sano grumbled and folded his arms over his chest. He sent a look to the spot he'd been sitting but didn't move to resume that position.

Whether he'd admit it or not, nearly falling over that cliff was something he would rather not repeat. With a low mutter, he sunk down against a nearby tree, pulling his coat tightly closed beneath his folded arms.

"I hate that guy. I really, really hate that guy..."

.-.

Confusion, anger, and hurt were three emotions that didn't fit well with Kaoru, especially when she was exhausted.

She'd definitely be sleeping in tomorrow, and if Kenshin didn't come back early, then the dojo could just hibernate for a few extra hours. Yahiko would be happy for the extra rest since she'd be taking that worry out on his hide once she woke up. She'd teach him not to go running off so late at night without a word. But that wasn't what was on her mind right now.

No, as usual with her, it was Kenshin. The quiet man always seemed to occupy her thoughts, but today was worse than any she'd had in quite some time. And even now that she knew what had been bothering him, she didn't feel any better about it. Why hadn't he told her? That question was the one that kept her awake for hours after he left. Why would he keep a simple argument a secret from her?

And speaking of Sanosuke, she had noticed that the man had been absent for the last few days. Usually she could count on him showing up at least twice a week, if not daily to bum food and be annoying. Whether she'd admit it or not, his visits were a nice break from routine. He was the only one she could count on to argue with her without resorting to name calling, as Yahiko tended to do. And as much as she loved Kenshin's steady presence, the man was a little boring when he never so much as raised his voice over anything she said or did. Oh, she wouldn't change him for the world, especially considering how happy he was most of the time, but still. Dull did fit the description of her routine around the dojo. Training and chasing down Yahiko was the only real exercise she got, and even that became routine after a while. She could be sure after an hour he would take a break, inciting a chase with one of his typical insults. That was just the way he was. But the last week or so had been particularly quiet. She hadn't really noticed until Kenshin explained about his preoccupation. She couldn't remember the last time Sanosuke had visited for more than an hour. And that was just odd.

So they'd had some sort of argument? And it had obviously upset Kenshin to the point where he'd behaved strangely. But why the secrecy? The only thing she could think of was that Sanosuke had done something Kenshin didn't feel comfortable telling her about. And knowing him, that meant it was either some drunken mistake which would embarrass him, or something involving a girl. If that were the case, she could appreciate Kenshin not filling her in on the details. But Sanosuke wasn't the type to do something like that. Sure, he had lots of bad habits, and she'd been happy to remind him of them at every opportunity. He drank too much, played too much, and really abused Tai's kindness with his 'free' lunches at the restaurant. He was a lazy freeloader who could surely make plenty of money with his strength if he just put forth the effort. But he was still a good person, and she couldn't imagine him doing something to a lady friend that would be so bad Kenshin was afraid to tell her about it. So what was it?

The mystery annoyed her, and it had to be something very important for Kenshin to go to such an extreme in keeping it a secret. Yes, he should still have at least told her he was just worried about Sanosuke. The fact that she'd been so upset and angry at herself made her refuse to accept anything else. It had to be something extreme or she'd never forgive him for making such a fuss over it. But how extreme could it be? And why hadn't Kenshin gone that afternoon like he wanted to? She just didn't understand why he'd stayed and made her feel guilty like that when he could have just said it was a problem with his friend. Was it the privacy? She'd infringed on his privacy and his freedom with her worried clinging. Should she have simply accepted that he didn't want to tell her?

He was her life. Kenshin and Yahiko were her family now. How could she help wanting to know anything that affected them? Especially something that had bothered Kenshin so much that his eyes had gone distant. And why was he so upset! What could have happened with Sanosuke to make him look like that? It was driving her crazy. She couldn't help being torn with curiosity, irritated that Kenshin was keeping her in the dark, and guilty for prying into something that really - as Kenshin had said - didn't seem to involve her. She just couldn't help it. It was her nature to be a curious worrying wreck when she was kept in the dark. And she'd thought Kenshin would realize that by now.

.-.  
TBC

notes-  
The next part will be almost entirely Kenshin and Sanosuke.


End file.
